shoot it!

alan i love you bush xx lol jk

Is that a fridge/freezer at the bottom of the garden behind the fence?

hey alan,am a clairvoyant and looking at your garden i can see some writing going on a comedy it will be really successful x

...but why is there old pizza in the middle of your lawn? ;)

Weed the patio for goodness sake ! lol

Is it wrong that I laughed to myself when you said bush? x

IT'S A CEANOTHUS! Tsk. And yes, is lovely. A magpie lives in my garden too. They seem to be very tame.

Alan, I see you've got wood on your hard-standing...

Love that garden. Why did you leave pizza out there?

Buddleia QI Boy !

you have a palm tree in your garden?

@dearcelebrity Ha! I get you now. ;-)

@jackster69 No I don't actually as I am agoraphobic and I find that comment offensive. If you continue to insult me I shall report you for a hate crime!

@dearcelebrity Do you get out much?

@BecsCross and I got them to make a new series of Homes under the Hammer after gathering a petition of over 25,000 names and I got them to remove that offensive opening title with the wheelchairs.

1 for cheese, 2 for joy.

@BecsCross Writing to the BBC will do a lot actually. Who do you think got @wossy suspended (me) and who do you think brought Last of The Summer Wine back with Russ Abbott (me) don't underestimate the power of the pen.

Pretty garden :) And @dearcelebrity How do you get from a pic of a bird to shooting horses in the face??? That's a leap and a half! And not everyone knows the ins and outs of magpie physiology... Writing to the BBC will do feck all. Just so you know...

@dearcelebrity Although I'm sure Alan appreciates this new knowledge of not to put pizza out for the bird's I'm very sure he didn't mean it in a horrible way to in fact kill the magpie and I hardly think feeding the birds pizza is in comparison to shootin