Story of my LIFE #Under200Followers

Future ex-husband.

I'm going to reply with a picture of me crying into my whiskey.

I'm going to reply with a picture of me crying into my whiskey glass.

This is why I'm not friends with my parents on facebook, among so many other reasons....I'm making them so proud!

#DepressingTruths I have more notes about this than I do followers on Twitter and Tumblr combined.

If you’re my waitress (and a bitch) I’ll give you a tip worth more than money.

I have slightly altered my little cousin's 1st holy communion pamphlet I got yesterday.

I'm having one for my homies. And #TwitterCocktailParty @twtrPARTY

This #Passover, I let your people go. #CleopatraRealness

I'm really congratulating myself on this one. (http://www.facebook.com/CineChola)

The last of the great divas has passed. Liz - You're an inspiration to crazy, strong women everywhere.

I've performed on the same stage as @Joan_Rivers! Thanks for tonight, Joanie, you're a diamond!

You're not a photographer. How many pictures of palm trees/skies are you going to post on FB? We live in L.A.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?!?!"

My cousin's Barbies look like a Turkish Harem.

Replies to what kind of band has bassoons in it. Hey @Daedelus_Music - if you need a bassoonist, call me.

I'm fucking gross. This is why I have the friends I have.

My categories on iChat. My personal favourite: Gay Jews.