For years I've been hearing how much Chris Hemsworth and I look alike.

Restful sleep coming up!
#NoOneWillEverFuckMeAgain

I was afraid I'd look like an asshole in my apnea mask; thank God for the always fashionable chin strap.
#Suicide

Nice to see @erockradio showing respect for @OpieRadio 's furniture on Saturday.

Aaaaannnnd option number two!

Thus far, my night has not been full of restful sleep. I keep panicking in this thing. Who wants to fuck?

At the Comedy Cellar, thinking of @iamcolinquinn

This is symbolic of rich gentlemen in fancy clothes who feed their penises to animal-men.
#NoIdeaWhatImTalkingAbout

Am I laughing, crying, or shitting my pants?

View from the stage at The Blind Pig in Cleveland.

Crazy crowd here do far.

In the Ohio Theater preparing for tomorrow night's special.

On my way to @AlanCoxShow in Cleveland. It's rainy and cold. I love Cleveland!

Hi @FoulkesCarly. You don't have to follow me, but we should be friends. GOOD FRIENDS...IF YOU GET MY DRIFT

Hey @GovChristie, THIS is Roland, who took your snooze photo. He did NOT MAKE A DIME FROM IT!

The scratch @ErockRadio went to the emergency room for. HE'S ALRIGHT, THANK GOD.

tsssss I wish this guy would HOP to it or sumpthin tsssss

Good luck on Jeopardy. I must really like @DanaPerino to root against Kareem.

Thanks to the woman with the world's worst ass for showing up at the Cellar last night. Looks like she shit herself.

I'm entering my photo in a contest. 1st prize is a trip to Aruba, 2nd prize is William Holden's coffee table.