Very meta, Disney. (Remember: Piracy is cool if it's the raping and swashbuckling kind. Not the media kind.)

False alarm, it turned out to be cool. Those are my dad's official lawyer pens! (Package from dad, mom sent it.)

Inside is a box, 13x4.5x2 (inches), left side is heavier than right. Right side feels empty, just like me.

Package from my mom. $34.70 to ship. Overnighted. What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOX?

The two blurry, poorly-lit figures in this photo are me and @PineyGir. I didn't even faint!

Bullshit, Scrabble dictionary. Not only is that a word, it's the awesomest word.

It's pictures like this that make me hate everyone I know on Facebook. #DadsSuit @windupcapybara

Just got half a crate of oranges from @TVsAndyDaly. Thanks!

My favorite board game to play on Saturday nights.

I call bullshit. That's a word!

Anybody can have a sibling who has a kid, but it takes a real man to be the world's greatest uncle.

Look at this sign! Now look at this other sign! (From my actual job.)

You know, the pay is okay, but the best part of my job is the fact that I could have hot glass fired at me.

Got six (6) out of eight (8) of my predictions correct. Still can't be sure what the book cover thing is.

Purchased from the Blockbuster where @windupcapybara and I used to work. I put the sticker on this!

This was for my wife. DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS? We have discussed it for five (5) minutes. No clue.

Two (2) bars of individually wrapped Ivory soap. Note that this came from a larger pack of soap, many years ago.