@thehumphreyker Happy birthday, you towering talent. This is a picture of your present.

Trainspotting, Victoria station, Sunday evening. Clue: "Ze bottle eez more disteenguished zan ze wine."

People were so funny in the 1930s. They thought £5 was a lot of money and had no idea what gay meant.

@schreiberland and I have finally edited the last episode of the #MuseumofCuriosity, and we deserve a treat.

Let's just say someone I know has just been having a clear-up. WW2 Nazi Party Walther PPK, apparently.

@SamiraAhmedUK The Nike store, Regent St. There were 5 police there 10 mins later.

Regent Street Nike store last night, offering conflicting messages.

Mixed messages outside the Nike shop in Recent St, London.

@houseofstrange Think again about the coffee...

Rebekah Brooks, Glinda Slag, Murdoch as Wizard/Lizard of Oz. You do the maths.

Has test tube baby pioneer Robert Winston started doing experiments on himself?

The best offer in the whole of Norfolk. Hurry while stocks last!

Looby Loo braves a smile for photographers & remains silent over her alleged affair with Andy Pandy's late brother John.

In 1944, Joe Kennedy Jnr took off from this airfield and never returned. Now it's just farm tracks. http://tinyurl.com/663kqaq

The view from my bedroom window. The post office was shut, but half-naked Derek persuaded them to sell him some booze.

I know, this is yesterday's news, but you need to know what's *really* going down. In Norfolk.

Look what I found in a jacket I haven't worn since 1999. @TheSimonevans will pretend it was deliberate, of course.

@Dr_Cheryl Dale: "We've all had ants in our pants and ferrets down our trousers, but where do you put gerbils?..."

I may be a Turner, but sometimes I can be be a bit of a Constable.

I may be a Turner, but sometimes I can be a bit of a Constable.