KILLER workout at @kennedyclubs just now. Aaron and Linda made my arms fall off. I can’t push my wheelchair.

Hey @Mike_FTW the guy above you is a youth pastor. Stoppit!

@Scott_Ian @pattonoswalt Hodor Hodor Hodor

So good. My glyph by @studioneat showed up. Things just got easier.

Wife said its wake up time

@birchfabrics is the only fabric store that doesn't suck the life out of me. It's actually inspiring!

Part of this complete breakfast.

Work sucks, so I forgot to buy @AdrenalineMob ’s Omertà till today.

Faux News shirt. What percent of legit viewers would only see a misspelling, not a statement?

At the Melodrama. Splendid!

But is there swimming? That's what I want to know.

@DollarApp's Big Words + @gruber = hilarious English mechanics questions from 10-year-old daughter.

Stupidspoons.

Thanks to @DollarApp's Big Words, I am @Mike_FTW.

CAUTION. This kind of ride was not designed for grown ups.

“Know what we need?”
“Truck full of dirt.”
“Yep.”

The pride of owning something brand new.

Bummer.

These tattoos on that body is pearls before swine. Or polishing brass on the Titanic.

A teenager reported me to Facebook for insulting her brother and ugly sister in law.

For helicopter parents.