Fuck you too, Mother Nature.

Icicles. Icicles on the side of my house.

FWD:

Oh hey, have you met my second cousin, Queen Elizabeth I?

If I never see another bead again, it'll be too soon. #knitting

Pants inventory after. This plus four pairs in the dryer is the extent of bottoms that I can and will wear.

Pants inventory before.

IT WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME I WAS PEEING AND I DIDN'T KNOW. I may never urinate again.

I told you I took pictures of grasshoppers doin' it.

Oh Twitter, you always know how to make me feel better about myself.

New. I hope they don't sell them used.

Hey @karen_two_two, this is not appropriate stationery for a seven year old. Ask one of your four grandmas.

Hey @mythbusters, DirecTV can't spell your names right. I'm sure it's not Tory's first "Troy", though.

Obligatory #boobquake photo. No makeup and crappy hair because I just got home from work. Thumbs up 'cuz I'm a smartass. #fb

Underwear given to my grandmother before her wedding in 1951. And yes, that's a fart joke on the back of the panties.

At long last, success in the field of popcornery.

There's been some wind. Also, check out the house across the street from me.

Nobody's even *tried* to drive down this street today. And nobody but Natty and I have been in it.

Look at this face! (Gratuitous dog photo ahoy!)