Real talk

Siri is a dumb cunt.

I resent that

FML

How the fuck did I get so romantic?

I had to.

I fucking love my friends.

Dropped a loaded bowl in the bathtub. #lazy #soggyweed

I fuck the coolest dudes.

I think I just started believing in love.

I love the Mavs!

For once I want to bang the drummer.

No joke, this robot is programmed to talk shit. He just asked for blow and an after party.

Currently watching a band comprised of robots. #chuckeecheeseflashback

From now on, when dudes ask for my #, I'm giving them my business card. @ulovei

Wake and bake to Mika Miko. Wonder if I can convince the cleaning lady in my apt to make me espresso like ystrday. #brat

On a golf cart to get food. This party is stressful.

I love my mom.

My friend just asked me to "watch" this shit for him. #idiot

This was at 10:30 am. For real?