@thegregjohnson How chill is Malkmus? He played lax in high school!

My hotel room is full of goodies!

This is a very patriotic Netflix review.

Courtesy of the San Francisco 49ers

Morning rush hour on the subway in LA gets pretty crazy.

Dogs!

Hurry up, this gas station's almost out of booze!

Dear Netflix, NOT EVEN CLOSE.

I locked myself out again and once again my landlord bashed my doorknob with a sledgehammer. We're both geniuses!

Although, I've never been to Minnesota:

I'm doing a stand-up set on Conan tonight. Tune in!

At the very least, I am safe, though. I only social network while wearing a helmet:

Two things I just learned about Jim Bakker: he is still on TV and is now George Carlin.

If you and yours are still piecing it together, these are on sale in Burbank 6 for $5.

I keep forgetting to Tweet. Sorry. Here's a picture of a goat:

Michigan!

Arghhhh, I still can't decide and this place closes in just 6 hours!

Great, I'm at one of those Ayn Rand bars

On the Staten Island Ferry. This one's for Lady Liberty!

This ad is on CNN's front page. Must be targeting all of their moonshiner traffic.